I don’t write to be famous, I don’t write to be known, I write because I am and I want to be read. How sad to fill a room with paintings no one sees or play music no one hears. Writing is talking without sound, singing without score and dancing without movement and yet, it is all of them. It is a solitary art conjured from thought and expressed by the need to communicate.

HEAD SLAPS, SPEED BUMPS and LIGHTBULBS, one woman's WTF, oops and ah-ha moments of life.

They were published once, and as every writer knows, once is not enough.

Wednesday, March 16, 2016

I wrote this for FB and just had to 2N it too

For those who remember a time when rolling stones, beetles and the four seasons meant rocks, bugs and times of the year, this is for you.  

You know you’re getting old when “youth” is that thing you realize you wasted, when you saw your kids doing the exact same thing, just before they had kids.

If you walk into a room, and can’t remember why you walked in, it’s not an age thing, unless the room you enter is the bathroom.

Old means, never having to say you’re sorry you forgot, because you never heard what was said anyway.

You’re getting old if each year you have to recalculate your age when it’s your birthday.

If you are old, sell-by dates don’t matter because beginning and end dates don’t mean much when you can’t remember today’s date.

You are old if the new high school you attended was torn down and replaced, and your grandchildren graduated from the new one, years ago.

If your teachers teach your grandchildren, have retired, or died you’re old.

If your teenage hangout is the new senior center, you’re old.

If to you, Dwight means Ike, not Gooden, you’re old.

And, you know you’re getting up in years if you remember when mammogram was a telegram to your mother and PSA meant Public Service Announcement.

And especially for women:

If you call Spanx a girdle, you’re old.

If a thong line reminds you of a sanitary belt line, you are most definitely old.

If you remember when undergarments were called underwear, boots were called rubbers and rubbers were erasers, you’re old.

If you were told using a tampon meant you’d lose your virginity, and you believed it, you’re not only old, you’re clueless.

You’re getting old if you sneeze, cough and laugh and for the rest of the day you feel like you’re wearing a wet bathing suit during the long ride home after a day at the beach.

You know you’re getting old when you think aches and pains are as inevitable as menopause.

At the risk of embarrassing my daughters, alienating my son-in-law’s, mortifying my current and future grandchildren and estranging my husband let me conclude that sex for old folks is lot like getting a good night’s sleep. It’s something you talk about a lot, seldom get and can’t remember the last time you had a good one anyway


  1. *snort* Love this post, 2Ns. Although I had to laugh at your comment about undergarments, boots etc. In Australia we went the other way...erasers used to be called rubbers. Like thong and fanny I guess rubbers mean something totally different here to the US -> here a rubber = a condom.

    1. Rubbers are condoms here too. I figured the "unsaid" might make it a bit, how should I say it, amusing in a edgy, without being edgy, way.

  2. Oh my, you had me at hello. I walk into the bathroom looking for my car keys and when I finally find my keys in the refrigerator and get in my car, my first stop is a restroom. Although I'm not always sure why I stop there.

    This was hilarious, 2Ns, even the parts I didn't get!

    1. Hey John, maybe you're too young to get the parts you didn't get.

  3. This was indeed hilarious, 2Ns. :D

    I wanted to get some fresh air yesterday but couldn't find the keys to my apartment. I felt prisoner in my own home. The fridge was the first place I looked, by the way. The keys were found next to my computer, after I used a magic trick…Seriously. ;-) Hahaha.

    1. A magic trick? Sounds like something I could use.

    2. Carolynn: to find a missing object, turn a cup upside down. Sometimes it takes time, but it always seems to work. <3 <3 <3

  4. Lord have mercy. You + your brain = HEEELARIOUS!

    Thanks for the laugh - it was needed!

    1. Ha, you want "heeelarious," I had Easter at my house, again, and within the first ten minutes of the crowd getting settled in we had discussed three people who had recently died and every ache and pain imaginable. The kids and I were laughing so hard, I told them, this is your future, take notes.

    2. I'm using that in the future. I saw you "pop" in at The Reef and know you have lots going on! Hope it all goes well, and know you must be excited about the new arrival! That comment - busier than a pregnant robin with no nest? Classic 2N's style. Loved it!

    3. Thanks for not forgetting me. I'll be back soon.
      I am so excited for you and I miss hanging out at the reef.

  5. I laughed so much at this! Thanks :)