Fab Four, Fear and FDR

Have you ever been really, really, I mean really afraid to do something because you’d either get sick, get pregnant or die? Yes I wanted to get drunk after the prom, dance the deed with Jimmy the quarterback and drive 150 mph on the Rte. 66. But I was a new kid in town. I never went to the prom, Jimmy didn’t know I existed and I chickened out at 110.

Years ago I was interviewed on Fox News, (World-wide, NY studio) as a result of a video I made regarding, (it really doesn't matter now). I had two days to prepare and spent most of it in the bathroom. I was Ex-lax petrified and lost eight pounds.

I live two hours away from NYC but on the appointed day a limo picked me up and off I went. I did the whole green-room, make-up artist thing, appeared on camera and was interviewed by Martha MacCallum. As scared as I was, you know what I learned…it was easy, it was fun, I loved it.

Over ninety years ago the guy in the wheelchair said, “…the only thing we have to fear is fear itself.”

I think many writers place obstacles, create pitfalls and sabotage their own efforts because they fear success. I did, back when I was young, unguided and stupid.

I know of relationships, jobs and creative achievements I let go of, by way of, the ancillaries I failed to express, produce or accomplish. I was afraid of the requirements of love, the dedication to work and commitment to my passion. What if he didn’t love me, what if I didn’t like the job, they didn’t like me or what if I am merely mediocre at what I love to do.

I painted, won awards and shuttered my studio. I wrote music for a band, reveled in the performances and sold my piano. I wrote, almost everything I sent out was accepted, then I darkened my monitor. (For ten years).

I set my mind and hands to doing other things until I realized that I, we, all of us get only one ticket to ride. (Thank you John and Paul.)

I’m not afraid anymore. I am doing what it takes and if success, achievement, the call, whatever, doesn’t happen it will not be for lack of effort. It’s easy, it’s fun and I love it.

Do what fills your heart because ‘eventually’ is not a promise and ‘time’ is not forever.

I'm already planning an encore.

 

The good, the bad, the hopeful

Just want to say that I’m sitting at my kitchen table, my favorite place to write, and listening to the TV in the other room. A battle is going on in there, no one is watching, and yet in here, in my beautiful kitchen I am as content as a puppy on a lap.

On this day, I am grateful. On this day I am thankful. On this day the pain and angst of rejection is a memory and I am filled with hopefulness.

That’s what it is with writing, one day you’re a failure and the next you soar. It is a bi-polar craft for sure.

I’ve submitted something. It’s short, God-damned funny and sent to one of the most recognizable print-heads in the world. And I think it has a chance. I will sleep tonight with lottery ticket dreams of success. Life is good when you don’t know all the answers. When questions are exciting and anticipation makes you tingle, (like my dad always said), that’s what it’s all about.

 

What makes you tingle?

Walls

OMG how frustrating is this?

I have taken to heart agent comments regarding my memoir and implemented changes which I believe are needed as a result of (in-between the lines) tone. It’s ready (again) so I’m on to another round of querying. I’m being very selective, not using the spaghetti against the wall method. Here’s the frustrating part.

Last night I finally tracked down the agent representing one of my favorite authors. Her memoir is life changing. I’ve been on the agent’s site before but have shied away because I could not find an email address. If you don’t take email queries, I get it. But, if you state that you do, and give explicate directions in you submission guidelines as to how to submit, then please list an address. Maybe it's me. Maybe I'm missing something obvious. There are other agents in the agency and though I was directed to follow their guidelines if I wanted to submit to them…no email addresses for them either. Is this an oversight or a ploy?

I think I have read every interview and about half a dozen testimonials about how awesome this agent is and yet…hello, where are you. For two hours last night I searched and searched and got more frustrated. If you really DON’T want email queries that’s fine but if you say you do…then at least give me an address.

In life I have learned that when you have to work hard for something, that’s good, it makes you appreciate what you have. That which comes easily is diminished by effortless accessibility.  But sometimes when the walls morph high and wide and are made of brick, with no portals, not even a crack to peek through or a chink to pitch over the top, maybe, just maybe, what you are seeking is not meant for you.

Yup, this stage regarding the effort to get traditionally published is frustrating but with a product that has received some really good comments, I’m up for it. My sledge-hammer days are over. Where's my ladder? Has anybody seen my ladder? I'm not afraid of heights.