Do I really want to spend the
rest of my life chasing a ball I may never catch, playing a game I may never
win? I’m thinking that accepting limitations and being happy with my current achievements
should be enough. If I truly consider what time I may, or may not have left,
and how best I want to spend it, it certainly is not by excessing over something that may
never happen.
Does turning my back on that
which always seems to bounce out of reach mean giving up the ‘dream’? I’m
thinking that dreams are for napping children and sleepless old men.
When I lived alone and longed for someone with
which to share my life, it was during a moment of ‘not-looking’ a moment of ‘not-longing’
which presented itself as my heart's salvation. Might that also be the case with
this never ending race toward a seemingly unattainable goal? And is it
unattainable because I think it is so? You can’t win if you don’t play...right?
The emptiness of the unrealized,
seems too dense a cloud of late. Letting it shade time shames the gift of moments.
Each morning I ask myself, is this
the day?
Each night I pray and promise, please
make tomorrow ‘the day’.
So I ask...the day of what?
A ball, a job, a partner, a
child, a dream, what are you chasing?
My dear dear friend - I know your dream and I have two dreams - one is that house and the other is to be a successful food blogger. Attainable? One definitely, the other possibly. I lay in wait and I pray and write daily about the success in my grateful journal. The someday will be some day. For now it remains a mystery.
ReplyDeleteWhat is it they say, 'ah, the mysteries of life'? I guess life is always a mystery. I just love mysteries and usually guess the ending. You are already a successful food-blogger. The question really is, what constitutes success for you? Winning the lottery doesn't count :) Although, wouldn't it be nice.
DeleteDreams are a strange thing. There is the ultimate "thing" that means we've attained our dreams, but sometimes we find new things along the way...and sometimes these things change the ultimate goal.
ReplyDeleteI find I'm enjoying the small steps of a dream journey more than I thought I would...and that maybe a dream I thought was secondary is really my primary dream. It's a matter of seeing things as they come at you - to keep on or to change. Not an easy thing to decide at all. I figure I'll just go with the flow until something forces me to look at it differently.
I know you'll figure it out!
Things coming at you, keep on or change...that's the key Jennine. For me it's mindset and enjoying the ride instead of cursing the route I've taken because life is all about the ride, not the destination.
DeleteTo overuse the metaphor, life is a roller coaster ride. Up, down, fear, fun and when it's over if you can say overall it was awesome, then getting on in the first place was the right thing to do.
I'm chasing a better version of myself. I think it's what we all want, really, though those versions exist in our minds as tangible things which are different for everybody.
ReplyDeleteI have so many versions of myself it's pick and choose everyday. The one I chase is younger, smarter and better looking. Now...I'm old enough to be her mother. Hahaha
ReplyDeleteYou are right, I meant to come over here and visit earlier, when you replied to my post about "Write Like You're Published." I think that was a most astute observation in your post above..., "you can't win if you don't play."
ReplyDeleteKeep playing!
I like the whole card-playing, lotto-playing, analogy. Every day another deck, every project another gamble. We writer-types like to take bets on what-ifs.
Delete